Many parents find themselves struggling to maintain intimacy in their relationships as they juggle the demands of family life. According to psychotherapist Vanessa Marin, an effective strategy can help parents navigate these challenges. She highlights that a staggering 37% of mothers report feeling “very dissatisfied or dissatisfied” with their sexual frequency. This dissatisfaction often stems from a lack of time and energy, with 74% of Millennial mothers identifying these factors as the leading cause of their sexual satisfaction issues.
In the daily hustle of parenting, intimacy can easily fall by the wayside. After long days filled with school runs, work commitments, and household chores, many parents find themselves exhausted by the time they reach their bedroom. Marin suggests that initiating sexual intimacy can play a crucial role in rekindling closeness between partners.
Reframing Intimacy Initiation
Marin emphasizes that initiating sex is not just about physical desire; it is a way to express to your partner that they are valued. She states, “Initiating sex is about showing your partner that they’re important and that intimacy is a priority for you.” This act demonstrates awareness of the emotional vulnerability involved and can enhance feelings of connection.
When tiredness sets in, parents may feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be “in the mood.” Marin encourages a reframing of this mindset. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, she suggests asking oneself, “Am I open to intimacy? Or to getting turned on?” This shift can alleviate some of the pressure surrounding sexual encounters.
Marin acknowledges that she often initiates intimacy even when she does not feel particularly excited, noting that she feels “in the mood” only about 20-25% of the time. She explains that parents should focus on creating small opportunities for intimacy rather than waiting for elaborate setups. Simple gestures, such as a kiss or a playful touch, can be effective in breaking the cycle of waiting for ideal circumstances.
Fostering Mutual Initiation and Connection
Marin also points out that unequal initiation patterns can lead to disconnection in relationships. If one partner consistently takes on the role of initiator, it can create feelings of burden and resentment. She advises open communication about the importance of mutual initiation. For example, one partner might express, “It would mean so much to me if you initiated sometimes, too. It makes me feel wanted and desired.”
For couples struggling to carve out time for intimacy, Marin recommends scheduling sexual encounters. “If you’re not intentional about carving out that time for each other, it’s simply not going to happen,” she notes.
Additionally, Marin stresses the importance of non-sexual physical touch to maintain connection. Simple acts, such as cuddling, hand-holding, and flirting, can be significant in keeping the spark alive. “Sending a flirty text during the day or giving your partner a compliment can help keep the spark alive, even when you’re both running on fumes,” she says.
Research suggests that physical touch can significantly influence emotional well-being. Marin highlights the role of oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone,” which is released during moments of intimacy. She believes that fostering a culture of appreciation and acknowledgment within a relationship can enhance emotional connection. Simple expressions of gratitude, such as thanking a partner for their efforts, can make a substantial difference.
Marin warns against what she calls the “bristle response,” where partners may recoil from each other’s touch due to the pressure associated with sexual advances. She suggests that partners openly communicate about their desires and preferences, allowing for more comfort in everyday interactions.
By implementing these strategies—enhancing mutual initiation, nurturing non-sexual touch, and fostering open dialogue—parents may find themselves more at ease with intimacy after a long day. Instead of viewing bedtime as just another task, it can become an opportunity for connection and relief amid the chaos of parenting.
