A caregiver is grappling with the recent decline in her 90-year-old mother’s health, as she reports feelings of disconnection and struggles with memory. The mother, who has expressed that she feels “blah” most days, appears to be experiencing significant cognitive changes. Despite her daughter’s concerns, the mother remains resistant to both medical intervention and the idea of moving to assisted living.
As her memory worsens, the daughter, identified as PF, has reported that her mother is repeating herself and has difficulty forming sentences. Although she can still manage basic tasks like dressing and washing, her ability to prepare meals is diminishing. PF is concerned about her mother’s mental state and has suggested seeking help for possible depression, which the elderly woman has declined.
According to geriatrician Leslie Kernisan, MD, MPH, such resistance to change and reluctance to consult a doctor is common among older adults. Kernisan advises that it may be beneficial for PF to approach the situation from a different angle. Rather than insisting on immediate changes, she could temporarily step back from discussing assisted living and focus on potential physical health issues that might be contributing to her mother’s symptoms.
Medical conditions such as low iron, low blood pressure, or thyroid hormone imbalances can lead to feelings of lethargy and depression. Kernisan emphasizes the importance of scheduling a check-up, during which blood work can be conducted to identify any underlying health problems. “Most older people are less defensive about physical explanations for these changes than psychiatric or memory problems,” she explains.
During the doctor’s visit, PF can express her concerns about her mother’s memory issues and inquire if these might stem from reversible health conditions. This approach may be more acceptable to her mother than discussing cognitive decline directly. Furthermore, Kernisan suggests asking the doctor for recommendations on supportive living options, as many seniors may be more willing to accept such advice coming from a medical professional rather than a family member.
If the mother’s health poses a real danger, PF may need to take a firmer stance. However, in non-emergency situations, a patient and respectful approach can often yield better results. Recognizing the long road ahead, PF is encouraged to seek support for herself as well. Resources such as caregiver support groups available on Facebook and Agingcare.com provide valuable assistance. The Alzheimer’s Association also offers resources for those dealing with dementia.
Kernisan highlights the importance of caregiver support, noting that sharing experiences with others who understand can significantly ease the burden. “None of this is easy, but support from people who understand can make a world of difference,” she asserts.
The journey of caring for an aging parent can be complex and emotionally challenging. PF’s dedication to her mother is evident, and with the right resources and strategies, she can navigate these difficult changes while ensuring her mother receives the care she needs.
