In a recent correspondence, a reader expressed frustration over the lack of recognition for her birthday, which falls just after the New Year. The timing makes it easy for friends and family to overlook her special day, resulting in a combination of holiday and birthday gifts throughout her childhood. With the rise of technology, she now receives e-cards on New Year’s Day rather than on her actual birthday, leading her to question how to address the situation without appearing ungrateful.
The reader recalls that growing up, she was instructed to accept these combined gifts graciously. Despite her understanding, she longs for a more personal acknowledgment of her birthday. As digital communication has evolved, it has allowed for scheduled e-cards, making it possible for well-wishers to send greetings without truly remembering the date. This change has left her feeling overlooked, especially as several friends have shifted their greetings to New Year’s Day.
Seeking a Solution Without Offense
In her efforts to gently remind friends of her actual birthday, the reader attempted to convey her feelings through a thank-you note last year, mentioning that her birthday celebrations had been affected by weather. Unfortunately, this hint did not yield the desired change, and she continued to receive e-cards and emails on New Year’s Day, some even stating, “Happy birthday today.” Now, she seeks advice on how to navigate this dilemma without seeming petty or ungrateful.
“Shortchanging a child on holidays is mean, and it is sad that it has left you dissatisfied with the birthday acknowledgments you get now,” Miss Manners responded.
Miss Manners emphasized that the reader’s friends likely do not intend to overlook her birthday; rather, they may not be fully aware of the mix-up. These automated greetings are casual and lack the personal touch that she desires. The advice given suggests that if a close friend forgets her birthday, she could consider sharing her feelings regarding her sensitivity on the matter, given her childhood experiences. However, for those who send e-cards, it may be best to let the matter go.
Celebrating Academic Achievements with Grace
In another inquiry, a reader sought guidance on how to honor her mother, who recently earned her Ph.D., with a desk nameplate. The question revolved around the proper way to display her mother’s credentials. Should the nameplate feature her name alone, followed by her credentials, or should it include “Ph.D.” on the first line along with the other titles listed below?
Miss Manners suggested using the title “Dr.” followed by the other credentials underneath. This format respects the achievements while maintaining a sense of humility. She cautioned, however, to ensure that the nameplate is intended for a home desk rather than a professional office, where the display of multiple titles could be perceived as excessive.
These conversations highlight the evolving nature of social interactions in an increasingly digital world, where personal touch can sometimes be lost amidst automated communications. As individuals navigate their relationships, understanding and addressing these nuances is essential for fostering meaningful connections.
The insights from Miss Manners serve as a reminder that while technology changes the way we communicate, the importance of personal acknowledgment and genuine connection remains paramount.
