A woman from Michigan, identifying herself as “Hating Him,” has expressed her struggles with her narcissistic husband of 28 years. She detailed a history marked by emotional manipulation, infidelity, and police involvement, leading her to question whether it is too late to start anew at 67 years old.
The letter highlights the emotional turmoil she has endured, stating that her husband has engaged in numerous flirtations, including a so-called “work wife” and an affair with a neighbor. Additionally, she recounted an incident where he called the police on her after an argument, resulting in a significant police presence at their home. Despite these challenges, she noted that they manage to coexist in daily life, although feelings of resentment and emotional pain linger.
Struggles with Emotional Manipulation
The woman described feeling increasingly unhappy in her marriage, particularly due to her husband’s lies and controlling behavior. She mentioned that they have not been intimate for over a year, which has compounded her feelings of frustration. While she acknowledged that they are not financially struggling, she expressed uncertainty about leaving and starting over.
She also indicated that her psychologist is perplexed by her reluctance to leave the relationship. The emotional toll of years spent with a partner who exhibits narcissistic traits has left her feeling trapped and unsure of her next steps.
Seeking Guidance and Defining Freedom
In response to her letter, Abigail Van Buren, known for her advice column, pointed out the contradictions in her husband’s behavior, suggesting that his possessiveness reflects his own insecurities. Van Buren emphasized the importance of defining what “starting over” means for the woman. She urged her to consider the potential benefits of freedom from an emotionally abusive relationship.
Van Buren further encouraged the woman to follow the guidance of her licensed psychotherapy professional, suggesting that her therapist can provide the necessary support to help her navigate this challenging situation. The letter serves as a reminder of the complexities of emotional relationships and the challenges faced by individuals contemplating significant life changes.
This exchange underscores the significant impact of emotional manipulation in long-term relationships and highlights the importance of seeking professional help in understanding one’s options. For those in similar situations, it may be worth exploring avenues for personal growth and independence.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more information or to seek advice, readers can visit www.DearAbby.com.
